Since a young age, I’ve been a big daydreamer. While my classmates in third grade focused on math, I was already envisioning myself as a world-famous businesswoman in New York. A few years later, navigating my teenage years in high school, I mostly dreamed about the real student life: freedom, parties, meeting new people, and finally studying what truly interested me.
Source photo: https://www.juniormagazine.co.uk/wellbeing/why-daydreaming-is-good-for-your-child/
Fast forward to now: Leiden is my new home, and I’m living the dreamlife I envisioned as a twelve-year-old. The real student life—partying every day, diving into fascinating subjects, and enjoying abundant freedom. Okay, I’m not yet a business advocate on the Upper East Side, but hey, I can’t complain. My younger self would be envious.
Yet, despite living this life, I find myself already contemplating what comes next. What will be my next step? A master’s degree? Work? Travel? And in ten years? I’m already romanticizing having a nice partner.. and having children in a big house. While pondering all these future plans, I notice my student life slipping through my fingers. Why must it always be more? Why do I constantly seek the next big step and yearn for more and more?
The hedonic treadmill: always seeking more
In seeking answers, I encountered the concept of “hedonistic adaptation,” also known as the “hedonic treadmill.” This describes how, upon achieving our goals, we immediately set new ones without a significant increase in our happiness levels. It seems that the more we achieve, the more we continue to desire new successes, never truly satisfied with what we already have (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005).
This pattern resonates deeply with me. Instead of fully enjoying my student life, I’m already focused on my next life phase. Research indicates that even lottery winners quickly return to their original happiness levels once the initial excitement fades. Some even become less happy due to changes in relationships that can occur after a major win; like winning the lottery (Brickman et al., 1978). So, the happiness brought from external achievements or material possessions often turns out to be short-lived.
This phenomenon, the hedonic threadmill, repeats itself in various life domains, such as romantic relationships. Initially, everything is new and exciting, but over time, these intense emotions fade, and we settle into a more stable phase. Research by Diener and Seligman (2004) shows that our happiness levels typically revert to baseline after about two years, regardless of relationship or work circumstances. So, I guess it’s no surprise that I’m already worrying about what comes next while I’m living out my student dreams.
Breaking the Cycle
Fortunately, there is hope. Positive psychology research suggests that we can break this cycle by consciously working on our well-being. Practicing gratitude, for example, can be a powerful way to increase our overall happiness levels (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Simply reflecting daily on what we’re grateful for can make a difference.
Additionally, studies by Lyubomirsky et al. (2005) have shown that small, deliberate actions like performing acts of kindness or practicing mindfulness can contribute to longer-lasting feelings of happiness. It’s not just major successes that make us happy; but also the daily experiences and appreciating what we already have.
Take-home message
What I’ve gleaned from these insights is that constantly striving for more is actually a trap. It’s tempting to always focus on the future and the next big step, but true happiness lies in appreciating the present. Understanding how the hedonic treadmill operates helps me remind myself that the phase I’m in now is just as valuable as the dreams I still aspire to achieve.
So, as I contemplate my future after student life, daydreaming of the endless possibilities, I’m also trying to consciously enjoy the present moment more. Perhaps that’s the real secret to happiness: not always searching for the next step but learning to appreciate what you already have.
References
Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative?. *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology*, 36(8), 917-927. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.36.8.917
Brickman, P., & Campbell, D. T. (1971). Hedonic relativism and planning the good society. In M. H. Appley (Ed.), *Adaptation-level theory: A symposium* (pp. 287–305). Academic Press.
Diener, E., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2004). Beyond money: Toward an economy of well-being. *Psychological Science in the Public Interest*, 5(1), 1-31.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology*, 84(2), 377-389.
Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. *Review of General Psychology*, 9(2), 111-131.
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