Have you ever been struck by the realization that every person around you has a life as rich and complex as your own? That fleeting moment is called sonder. It’s the understanding that each random passerby is living out a story filled with its own mix of dreams, struggles, and joys.
I think about this a lot. Just the other day, I was crammed into a packed train. Instead of doomscrolling on my phone, I decided to observe the people around me. An elderly woman with red nails and a flower dress beside me looked very worried; across from me, a man resembling a professor was engrossed in his iPad, and somewhere in the background, a child’s laughter echoed. Each of these individuals, even the strangers I briefly lock eyes with while walking to the supermarket, has their own narrative, with ambitions, fears, and quirks that I’ll never fully grasp.
It’s fascinating to think that to them, they’re the main character in their lives, while I’m just a brief extra passing by. Sonder reminds us that everyone we meet is navigating their own challenges, just as we are.
Finding deeper connections
Recently, me and my friends were doing a “puntje persoonlijk” night. The idea is simple; everyone shares something personal, something they struggle with or what concerns them. Our group of sixteen girls, who had known each other for over two years, still managed to surprise me with how little I truly knew about what some of my friends were going through. You think you know people well, but it’s so easy to overlook the hidden depths behind the social masks we all wear.
This experience made me reflect on how well we truly know each other, not just at parties or casual gatherings, but on a deeper, more emotional level. How you really are. I often wonder if those who project the most humor and joy in public are struggling the most behind closed doors. And as a psychology student, I can’t help but think about how important it is for us to open up about our feelings, even though that’s sometimes easier said than done.
Empathy, after all, is what connects us to one another. By imagining ourselves in someone else’s shoes, we become more compassionate and understanding. As Maya Angelou once said, “We all have empathy, but we may not always have the courage to display it.” Empathy is not just about responding to suffering but also about connecting with others’ joys and triumphs. Research has shown that these small moments of empathy can have a profound effect on our well-being, making us feel more connected to those around us (1).
A new perspective
Through experiences like “puntje persoonlijk,” I’ve realized that everyone has their own story, even the strangers we encounter in passing. Maybe that grumpy person at the cinema is going through a tough time, or the smiling man in the elevator is about to propose to the love of his life. We just don’t know. But that’s what makes empathy so important—it teaches us to be kind and understanding, even when we’re unaware of someone’s situation. After all, it’s been said that empathy is crucial to building connections and has a large positive impact on the world (2).
Now, whenever I’m on the train, instead of zoning out with my phone, I play a game: I imagine stories for the people around me. Where are they going? What are they thinking? What lights them up inside? This small act of curiosity has made my world a little brighter—and a lot more interesting.
So next time you cross paths with someone, take a moment to remember that they have their own unique life story. Be kind, be empathetic. We’re all just trying to navigate this beautiful, messy world with our own set of challenges and dreams.
Sources
1: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_small_moments_of_empathy_affect_your_life.
2: https://www.mastersincommunications.org/empathy-what-it-is-why-it-matters-and-how-you-can-improve
photo: https://pin.it/6j506jWZm
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