Everyone seeks a sense of belonging; to something, someone, somewhere. Belonging is part of what makes us feel connected, like we are part of something; like we are being seen, heard, and understood. But more than that, it gives us a sense of meaning and purpose in life, of feeling safe towards certain people and spaces in order to embrace what it means to be ourselves. But can we ever feel like we fully belong to a specific space? In other words, is there a space where we can truly feel safe and 100% authentic and true to ourselves?
Growing up, I never felt like I belonged in Brazil. In fact, this sense of disconnection from my environment and from a big part of my culture is one of the reasons why I’m here in the Netherlands. I came here in hope of a better future for myself, to pursue a better education, to experience new things, and most of all, hoping to find my place in the world. My yearning to belong gave me the motivation to learn new languages, to be open to new things and perspectives, has made me fascinated about culture and different social dynamics across the many countries of our world.
I needed to know and experience more than what I was being exposed to in my environment, and a crucial medium that allowed me to explore and learn such things was definitely being on digital communities. It’s such a great source of exchange of information, knowledge and opens many possibilities to finally find that connection to what’s important to you, to get closer to finding a space and a group of people you belong to. Thinking from that perspective, I think it’s very valid to argue that the internet can be a place just like any other place on earth.
Although this all helped me feel closer to myself, way more than I ever felt in Brazil, and true to becoming a more authentic version of myself every single day, I still feel like I have a lot of belonging to seek. I still feel like there are parts of myself that aren’t being seen and heard. I feel like there are parts of me that can feel safer here, but that there are other parts of myself that don’t feel seen as much anymore. I think I don’t have a place I truly belong to on this earth, and I see myself as a citizen of the world. I’m a mixture of so many different influences and cultures. And I’m starting to wonder whether these parts of myself ever will be seen and heard. I’m starting to accept and be okay with the possibility that they actually might not ever be.
As human beings, we are deep creatures with so many layers, each with its own particularities, needs, and desires. It’s even hard for ourselves to actually access and connect with all of them, let alone put them out there and express them to the world and to people. Everyday I feel like I learn new things about me and how I see world and life, and yet, funnily enough, everyday I realize I know less and less. And that’s okay.
I used to think that certain aspects about me were so innate to me, almost as if I was born with them, that they were part of who I was. But lately I’ve witnessed this certainty fade away, in surprising ways; some of it good, some of it rather confusing. It’s really those moments that make me ask myself time and time again “who am I? what do I want? what’s this all mean? what’s my purpose?”, and if I do ponder hard enough for a while I might even come up with what feels like solid answers, or a somewhat sense of direction, that usually serves as a compass for my decisions and approach towards life, but eventually they turn out to not feel so right anymore. What I’ve been realizing lately is that I’ll never really be sure of anything, nor will I ever have a solid answer. Or maybe this is all part of being in my 20s, I guess.
But crucially, I think I’m learning to really understand and accept that things change all the time, and that that rule also applies to me, to what I want, and what I think my purpose is. I’m learning to think of new possibilities, and to consider that there might actually be more than only 1 right path to follow.
How do you feel when you realize you’ve changed? When things you thought were a certainty actually turned out to be challenged by other possibilities that seemed just as right?
References & Inspo
Allen, K. A., Kern, M. L., Rozek, C. S., McInereney, D., & Slavich, G. M. (2021). Belonging: A Review of Conceptual Issues, an Integrative Framework, and Directions for Future Research. Australian journal of psychology, 73(1), 87–102. https://doi.org/10.1080/00049530.2021.1883409
Recent Comments