I thinks it’s scary and also strange seeing your phone knowing you better than you do. Lately, I started to feel like TikTok reads my mind and tells me how I’m feeling and what are my emotions. Somehow it understands when I’m feeling anxious, bored, want a laugh, or when I’m avoiding studying. I open the app “for five minutes,” and suddenly I’m deep into a perfectly curated world that feels like it’s my own.
Last week, my “For You Page” was complete with cozy fall videos of cute fall outfits, candles, and Halloween movies. I actually haven’t realized that I missed autumn, but there it was, right on time. It is comforting, but a little creepy as well. The algorithm doesn’t just show me videos, it also learns about me, remembers me, and sometimes even defines me. It’s kind of personal to have a machine that knows you so well. It is basically like having a mirror showing you your feelings. Every time I pause, replay, or like something, the data feeds the tiny version of me that lives inside TikTok’s servers. It’s not just entertainment anymore, it’s shapes the identity as well. I become what the algorithm thinks I am, the more a watch the videos. I started to use the same words, follow the same trends, and even want things that I didn’t know were existed.
The algorithm doesn’t argue back or judge me, instead, it shows me what I want before I even ask. The main job of the algorithm is to keep me comfortable, not too surprised or too challenged. It wants me just to keep scrolling and not think, and that’s what scares me the most. It doesn’t want me to grow or change, it wants me to stay the same. I know that isn’t bad, it’s just data. But the real truth is that the algorithm teaches us, not just knows us,. It teaches us what to click on, what to want, and what we think we want. Every time I scroll, I am actually quietly negotiating between who I really am and who I am becoming. I still can’t completely hate it. It’s weird, but it actually feels comforting to open TikTok and see exactly what I needed to see on that day without even knowing.
That being said, I’ve begun to crave moments that the algorithm can’t see and control. Walking home without music, cooking without filming and laughing at something that no one else will ever see. These are small breaks from the digital and they remind me that I still exist outside of the data. The algorithm knows my habits, but it doesn’t know what it feels like being me, the tiny and chaotic human parts that don’t make sense in data. And I think the real freedom is it, the parts of our lives that can’t be controlled or measured.
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