I thinks it’s scary and also strange seeing your phone knowing you better than you do. Lately, I started to feel like TikTok reads my mind and tells me how I’m feeling and what are my emotions. Somehow it understands when I’m feeling anxious, bored, want a laugh, or when I’m avoiding studying. I open the app “for five minutes,” and suddenly I’m deep into a perfectly curated world that feels like it’s my own.
Last week, my “For You Page” was complete with cozy fall videos of cute fall outfits, candles, and Halloween movies. I actually haven’t realized that I missed autumn, but there it was, right on time. It is comforting, but a little creepy as well. The algorithm doesn’t just show me videos, it also learns about me, remembers me, and sometimes even defines me. It’s kind of personal to have a machine that knows you so well. It is basically like having a mirror showing you your feelings. Every time I pause, replay, or like something, the data feeds the tiny version of me that lives inside TikTok’s servers. It’s not just entertainment anymore, it’s shapes the identity as well. I become what the algorithm thinks I am, the more a watch the videos. I started to use the same words, follow the same trends, and even want things that I didn’t know were existed.
The algorithm doesn’t argue back or judge me, instead, it shows me what I want before I even ask. The main job of the algorithm is to keep me comfortable, not too surprised or too challenged. It wants me just to keep scrolling and not think, and that’s what scares me the most. It doesn’t want me to grow or change, it wants me to stay the same. I know that isn’t bad, it’s just data. But the real truth is that the algorithm teaches us, not just knows us,. It teaches us what to click on, what to want, and what we think we want. Every time I scroll, I am actually quietly negotiating between who I really am and who I am becoming. I still can’t completely hate it. It’s weird, but it actually feels comforting to open TikTok and see exactly what I needed to see on that day without even knowing.
That being said, I’ve begun to crave moments that the algorithm can’t see and control. Walking home without music, cooking without filming and laughing at something that no one else will ever see. These are small breaks from the digital and they remind me that I still exist outside of the data. The algorithm knows my habits, but it doesn’t know what it feels like being me, the tiny and chaotic human parts that don’t make sense in data. And I think the real freedom is it, the parts of our lives that can’t be controlled or measured.
Lovely analysis!
I can totally relate to the paradoxical feeling of enjoying the algorithm’s suggestions on content but also being creeped out about how much it knows about me.I do want to add that, yes, it is nice to open TikTok and immediately see what we want to see. However, as humans we have something the digital does not have, emotions. Often the algorithm will show me videos that do not fit the emotion I am feeling in the moment, but instead show me videos that fit my past activities on the app. For example, I might be watching sad edits of pufferfish in the morning and then go back to the app to watch something happier in the afternoon and there are just sad edits of animals. At that moment, I often realize that it is just the algorithm and that TikTok may know much about my online presents, but it knows nothing about the real me.
Really interesting thought. I am also sometimes shocked by how well the algorithm analyzes any action I take. The system immediately acknowledges a like, longer engagement, and sends more videos of the same vibe my way. Personalized ads work this way. And I can say I am victim of them. Somehow, the algorithm knows me so well that it knows what bag, necklace, or clothes to advertise to me. The bag I own that got sooo many compliments and laughs even from strangers is a work of this magical algorithm. It popped up on Instagram ads, and suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and eventually I asked for it for Christmas. The thought that the algorithm works as a mirror is very suitable. It reflects my actions and provides the perfect outcome for me. It is indeed scary sometimes.
Nice blog! I do agree with that it can feel very overwhelming to only see things of the same subject. For me it can be really irritating as well. I mean I like one video about something and for the next day I only get videos about the same subject. TikTok for me is the worst, but I also started to notice that YouTube has become worse with it as well.
I miss the time that I could just look something up and that it would not impact my whole feed for the next few days.
Your words really resonate with me. Sometimes, it feels like another reality when you go on social media and see videos about something that you have just been talking about with a friend. It is funny how we admit that this is both uncanny and comforting, because we enjoy the (superficial) individuality and at the same time we realize where it comes from. I like how you ended with little acts of ‘digital resistance’, because at the end of the day it is important to be in contact with your real self and remind yourself about the human dimension that cannot be predicted and optimized.