It’s some unacceptably early morning hour. I’m awoken by the artificial light and birdsong coming from my alarm clock, immediately reaching for my phone to see if any of my friends have texted me during the night. They have. Through the crusties in my eyes I read the thoughts, feelings and memes they have shared with me.
Thanks guys, but I’m going to ignore you for now. Certain things take precedence over communicating with friends, one of those things being communicating with virtual talking animals. As my kettle heats up the water for my morning coffee, I start up my now-obsolete Nintendo 3ds to check on my Animal Crossing: New Leaf town. Only one of the villagers is up at this hour: my sensible goat friend Nan. He gives me the same monologue about being ready for the day that I’ve read about a thousand times at this point. I love you endlessly, Nan. Between sips of coffee I manage to dig up fossils, catch fish and bugs, and loiter outside the local second-hand shop until opening time where I then sell the treasures I’ve accumulated in the last forty minutes.
Satisfied with how productive the first part of my morning has been, I get ready to go outside and make my way to university. As I sit down in one of the available train seats, I find myself restless. Since there’s nothing better to do, I guess I’ll respond to the texts I’ve received from my friends.
“Haha”
“Lmao”
“I’m actually dying right now!”
And that’s that over with.
Class goes smoothly, and before I know it I’m on the train back home. I take a book out of my bag and begin reading the first piece of physical, real world media I’ve held in my hands today. But don’t worry! Of course I wouldn’t just interact with the physical object and leave it at that. When I finish this book, rest assured it will be documented on my Goodreads page.
Finally back home, I can delve into yet another world that needs my attention: my Black Desert Online account. While I grind for hours, I find some form of sick entertainment from looking at the chat. The Black Desert community really offers a great look into one of the most depraved, degenerate portions of our society. It’s like going to a zoo and watching the gorillas do their thing. “Wow, I’m so glad that’s not me,” I think to myself, conveniently forgetting that rather than looking in from the outside, I’m in the same enclosure as these animals.
It’s time for bed now, and I really feel like I’ve done a lot today. But wait! This whole time, I’ve also been listening to music, which, of course, needs to be digitally documented and catalogued. I open my Rateyourmusic, and go through the albums I’ve listened to in order to give them a rating and show all my RYM friends just how great my taste in music is. That’s better. Now everyone knows how up-to-date with the music industry I am. With my laptop next to me in bed, where some handsome doctor on YouTube is telling me about the importance of doing CPR when you find someone without a pulse, I drift off to sleep.
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