Or, How Youtube Traumatised Me Forever
Growing up, my parents were very strict when it came to any form of digital technology. We didnt have a TV at home and we were only allowed to watch movies on a little DVD player when were traveling. For me personally, that wasn’t a problem at all, we had a big garden, I had a little polaroid camera my mom gifted me and I had two brothers to annoy.
It wasn’t until I just turned seven when my parents decided to get a communal computer. My older brother was now at an age where he wanted to do other things besides play around in the garden all day and my dad had an old computer he couldn’t use for work anymore. So now, everything revolved around this computer. We had this portal into so many different universes we didn’t even really understand yet.
One morning I snuck out of bed earlier than anyone so I can have my alone time on the computer without anyone fighting for their turn. Normally we would just open the game that our parents had downloaded for us and play for the hour we were allowed to play. But this morning I felt adventurous and I opened the search engine “Bing”, mainly because the name sounded funny. On the homepage, it suggested different links to other sites. One of the icons looked dangerously like a forbidden red botton you shouldn’t press.
I truly remember my brain seeing this icon and immediately registering it as something dangerous. It looked like a big red stop sign, which for a 7 year old made it even more appealing. I didn’t feel brave enough to open it the first time but that day I kept imagining all the excitingly taboo things this red button must lead me to.
So the next day I snuck back to the site and dared to press the red button.
When it opened, it showed me so many different things at the same time. The first video I clicked on was the music video for “Gangnam Style” (which blew up that year). Overhwhelmed by the amount of colours, cuts and buts, I just sat and waited to see what would pop up next.
The next video that came was from a news channel, reporting on something I dont really remember. What I do remember is seeing a group of people on the streets, suddenly you could hear shots, the people started screaming and running in every direction. I saw people falling to the ground and I saw blood. The the footage cut back to the news reporter talking with a strangely unbothered face. I kept staring at the screen, I felt like I couldnt move and I remember waiting for the reporter to cry or scream, something to show me how I should feel about what I have just seen. But she just kept talking with a monotone face.
I closed the computer and didnt go near it for months. My father immediately made sure to lock any search engine (to his defense, he didn’t think anyone in their right mind would click on “Bing” out of all the search engines). So, while my brothers kept fighting for their turn on the computer, I went back to the garden and literally cried everytime my brothers came close to me with the screen.
This experience turned me into the kid that was scared of anything that had a screen and a mouse that might click on something horrible. Later, as I got a bit older, I came to understand the difference between a computer and “the internet” so I started using it here and there, but for a long time I didnt even consider opening anything that had a “www.” infront of it.
Today, I am glad to say that I’m over my internet phobia. However, I can’t watch news or even most action movies without feeling stressed. This one experience of me as a child being able to access things I shouldn’t, have affected me for life.
Why This Matters: A Warning About Children on the Internet
My experience is just one of many examples of how unfiltered access to the internet can expose children to content they are emotionally not equipped to process. The online world is, as my brothers and I saw it, a portal to many different universes, but not every universe is right for children to see. It’s important to acknowledge how the internet is full of traumatic imagery and ideas that can really affect a developig mind. A single accidental click can open doors that no child can close anymore.
We live in a day and age where digital media is unavoidable in our lives. Thats why it’s so important for parents, guardians and educators to be aware of what and where the internet can go and maneuver around it. Whether they do it by using parental controls, limiting screen time or simply having an open conversation about what one might encounter online, we need to treat the internet not as a harmless playground, but as a powerful tool that can severly damage and has to be handled with care.
Fun side note: To this day, ‘Gangnam Style’ gives me mild PTSD, which has to be one of the most ridiculous psychological pairings of all time.
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