I really want a room make-over. I want to make several posters and hang them on the wall so that my wall is full of posters, analog photographs I made myself, drawings, quotes I found in magazines, and postcards. Time to get inspired. What is a better place to get inspired than Instagram or Pinterest? I opened the Instagram app on my phone. However, I got distracted, so ten minutes later, I am still answering some WhatsApp messages. What did I want to do again? Oh right, get inspired for my room make-over. @Clairerose is this amazing influencer who focuses on mental health, physical health, travels the world, is super pretty, has a cute and loving husband, created her own clothing line, and has a fantastic interior in her house as well. But I am not jealous at all… I guess? So, I am looking at her Instagram page to get some inspiration. Oh and, I reeeeaaally love her dog. I think he is so cute. Alright, I found some lovely ideas for posters on her page. On to the next.
OMG, did that girl from high school break up with her boyfriend after nine years? Wow, she deleted all their pictures, juicyyyy! I HAVE to text my friends about this first. Okay, back to the posters. @CHNGE makes these quotes on, among others, racism, feminism, love, and gender. One or two of their quotes would be nice to copy, maybe. Omg, look at this cute video of a cat doing a head roll. This is super funny, haha. I am going to send this to my friends. I really want a cat. Let me check this Instagram page about cats in an animal shelter, waiting for people to adopt them. Ah, this video of this child playing with its food is so cute and funny!
Wait, what am I doing? I wanted to find some nice ideas for the posters for my wall, right? Why am I looking at videos of cute animals and babies? I am really wasting my time, again! Yep, it’s time again… I need to delete the Instagram app from my phone because: I AM NOT ADDICTED TO INSTAGRAM. I am going to show myself that I am totally fine without the app on my phone. And then, after a few weeks or months, I can download it again. Because I still need it as a source of inspiration for my room make-over, among others.
This phenomenon happens more or less four times a year to me. I wonder if it’s just me or others who experience this sort of weird addiction or loss of control over what you want to do on Instagram too? Why does this happen every time again? I mean, I really love the app. I love to see what my friends are doing, what beautiful place I would like to go on a city trip, what the newest trends are for coming winter, and get inspired in several other ways. I really think it’s an excellent platform for people to get together, find new friends, get inspired, and do many other things. But why am I, after a while, always looking at these stupid videos of things that do not matter, do not make me super happy, or relaxed, or anything? I want to make my own choices, and it feels like, after a while, I am not in control anymore. It feels like it’s not a choice I am conscious of. Every time again, I get caught up in it. Apparently, I have a negative judgment about this. To me, it feels like it’s a bad thing to look at videos about cute cats, for example. I think I am not productive enough, and I hate to have a screen time of more than three hours a day. I want to be in control of the things I do. When I look at these videos, while I actually wanted to find an inspirational quote, it feels like I did not make that choice myself. My addicted, unconscious inner self made that choice. But why is that a bad thing? My answer is that I have no idea. I don’t know why I feel bad for doing nothing on my phone while I actually had a specific reason for using my phone. I just want to feel productive and not addicted to Instagram or to my phone in general. Sometimes I question if deleting the Instagram app is the right solution. I would be super happy to keep the app on my phone and use it every now and then as an inspiration source. Unfortunately, this seems impossible, and actually, I have no idea why this seems so impossible. It sounds pretty standard and feasible, right?
Next, I do not recognize any of these weird addictions at myself in another way than this. Instagram is the only app I feel really addicted to. In general, I am not an addictive person at all. Instagram seems to be the only exception. However, every time I delete the app, I don’t really miss it. I mean, I would like to use it, and I think about it every now and then. But I don’t feel connected to it or really miss it when I cannot use it. Does that mean I am actually not addicted? Actually, I am in this constant hate-love relationship with Instagram. I love it for so many reasons, but sometimes… Instagram is just a real pain in the ass.